literature

Vivian Prologue (good version)

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    With silence in her heart, Vivian packs her bags, and get's ready for school. The morning sun had just risen, but she had already given up on the day. She puts on the long plaid skirt, and white uniform top that her parent's make her wear. Modesty was a value that she and her family held dear. Sometimes she wishes she could dress like some of the other kids. Other times she prefers it this way. There are times when her dissociation to the world around her makes her happy she doesn’t get along with anyone.

    On her way to the bus stop she hangs her head down, and closes her eyes. She thinks about being somewhere else; at home with her family, or even at church. Some of the other kids walked by, Vivian began to shake and tremble. Her life had been a sea of endless frustration. She felt angry at the thought of it all, yet her depression always cooled any hints of coming rage. In many ways she felt a sense of guilt. She thought, “Perhaps I’m just a problem, that’s why they hate me”.

    She wasn't ugly at all she had blonde hair, and blue eyes, and a very pretty face. Despite her sense of humility, she still was aware of her own looks. She wasn't fat or anything. Her personality was too warm, she was too social, and she couldn't help it. She was born with love and kindness in her heart. She had an energy that the other kids at school couldn't seem to enjoy. At times, she’d go manic. She’d take her desire for socialization to a heavy degree.

Vivian loved to laugh, and loved to have fun. However, to some of the other kids at her school, she was annoying. She just sits there thinking, why? What made her so different? She never meant any harm against anyone. Maybe they were right; Vivian was not as emotionally mature as her peers, making her hard to relate to. She was intoxicated by her own serotonin. As she waits, she thinks back to her manic behavior, and feels intense guilt. When she first came to the school, she was in her manic state. She had been attending since middle school, and her behavior hasn’t changed.

    She would run, skip or dance whenever she felt the overwhelming euphoric energy that naturally flowed through her. Her thoughts constantly raced and jumped for subject to subject. Causing her to speak in non-sequiturs. What she’d say one minute would be in no relation to what she was saying prior. Her abnormal speaking patterns and inexhaustible energy made her the subject of ridicule. At night she’d promised herself that she would change. However, that came to no avail. Her excitement truly peaks when she’s around others, and descends when she’s all alone.

    Looking back on some of her earlier manic highs, she can regretfully see many of her social mistakes. She was in middle school when they started getting out of hand. When she first arrived there, her desire to make friends got the best of her. She spoke out of turn, and spoke to literally anyone. Her childish upbeatness was taken with negative response. She had a very difficult time staying in her seat. During recess, her energy would peak beyond levels she could control. Her laughter would be so prevalent, that it annoyed and disturbed the other children. When speaking with someone, she’d often run circles around them or jump. Even during class you can notice twitching and compulsive movements anytime she’s asked to sit down. She knew how embarrassing her behavior was, however, when her excitement gets the best of her, it’s difficult to stop.

It wasn't easy to understand her as a person. The promise of friendship exacerbated her already prevalent gullibility. She couldn't tell whether she was being deceived, or if people really wanted to be her friend. People began to take advantage of her over and over again. She wanted to forgive, and be a good person. But her naïve sense of trust had done little for her, but cause her to have her heart broken time and time again. Back in elementary, this was still a problem. Kids would tell her things like, “they’re a fairly over there granting wishes”, in order to make her get off her seat on the swings.

    She was still happy though. Even though people were doing all these cruel things to her she was always happy, and could always find a reason to smile even though a lot of people tried to bring her down. Her excitable personality, and loud laughter, set her apart from her peers. She also had a desire to express herself. She wanted to be nothing more than herself. That's why she wasn't well liked. Her only way of coping with the bullying was voluntary social isolation. Not every single person wanted to put her through this, there were some people that would want nothing more than to be her friend. However, because she had been deceived and used, she was afraid to let people in.

    This isolation brought upon her other side. Soon, she faced the induced depressive state she’s currently in now. All she wanted was to be left alone. She wished she had a friend that she could be sure of. She was in pain; it was like a fire that her tears could not extinguish. Her mood swings happen daily, however, there are clear times where she’s manic and when she’s depressive. Even in manic states, some of which last for months, she still has daily depressive moments. In a similar fashion, during her depressive states, there are little moments during the day where she feels almost hypermanic. She never knew what it felt like to ever be accepted by anyone her age, and began to think being bullied was normal for her, she had no choice but to live with it.

All that didn't stop her from being the happy person that she always was, but it did make her question why she was happy. She was alone, and isolated, the only time people were nice to her was when they planned on doing something mean. Even when she wants to be depressive, a hypermanic streak comes in and fills her with uncontrollable anxiety and excitement. She couldn't trust people, because they wanted to use her. To some, this would be a hellish life, but for her, being bullied was just a normal routine at this point.

    However that was all at school. Once she got home, things changed. She finally had people to talk to. Once she had finished enduring and surviving day by day, she could always go to a special group of people who will always accept her. Her mother and father were there for her. She could finally tell someone about her feeling and not be judged. She lived in a very close knit family. They were nice people, just like she was. They were very religious, but not judgmental. They would always talk, laugh and have fun. They were rarely home, most of the time they were out doing something enjoyable with each other. They didn't even own TV's. In a typical suburban home, that's very odd. They weren't really interested in them. They preferred to spend time with each other. Now the kind of life they had seemed strange, and misguided, but they were happy. That was all that mattered.

    Vivian's parents weren't stupid, they were just slightly ignorant. Some of their beliefs were very backwards. They made her wear a uniform, even though it wasn't required. Another reason Vivian was bullied so much. They didn't really take the time to figure things out. For them, tradition was the foundation of their beliefs, even if those traditions were nonsense. But they kept to themselves. They knew their simplified lifestyle wasn't for everyone, and they respected that. The only thing that made a difference was the fact that they meant the world to Vivian. Even though she wasn't welcome or accepted at school, she had a family that loved her more than anything. Her whole family, not just her parents, was a part of her life. She lived with her mother and father, but they visited other family members often. They all stayed in close contact. When she thinks about them, she no longer had any need to question why she's happy.

    That didn't mean that they way people treated her wasn't getting to her. Even though she loved to learn, she still had a very hard time dealing with all the poor treatment from classmates. All the name calling, deceitfulness, and bitterness was taking a toll on Vivian's soul. This would never stop. In Elementary school she was ignored by her peers. In Middle school she was mocked by her peers. But High School was a living hell.

    As bad as life was in middle school, she never thought about dying until high school. Unlike the childish name calling she experienced as a kid, she was now opened up to a new vocabulary of insults. She barely knew what half of those words meant, but they haunted her regardless. The fear of getting on the bus and having people would push her, and shove her. Her books and papers would be scattered on the floor. Whenever they would knock her down, she would get back up, feeling a little emptier each time.

She did not wanna come to school today, especially during lunch. Lunchtime was the worst part of the day. She often sits alone, far away from everyone else. Otherwise students would spit in her food, pour milk cartons on top of it, or even slam her tray to the floor. However, the deceit was what really got to her. She never wanted to let people into her life, out of fear of being deceived. That doesn't mean that deep down she didn't want friends to talk to and have fun with. She is not naturally shy; she desperately wants to connect with people. However the happy, energetic girl she was, had to disappear. She stopped speaking, and eventually stopped smiling. She would pray for it all to end. When she passed the eleventh grade, it seemed it would.

    All those years of torment, could it be the end? She had big dreams, and a will to achieve them. Graduation was like the light at the end of the tunnel. She was in the twelfth grade. Vivian was extremely bright. She hadn't failed one grade yet. It was always her goal, since she was little, to graduate when she was eighteen. However, due to social retardation, she knew it was going to be a bigger challenge than ever before.She was very capable of passing the grade, and putting an end to all this pain. But just as quickly as her chance came, it disappeared right before her. Eleventh grade was nothing. When she was in twelfth grade, all hell broke loose.

    She doesn’t think about the times she spent during the first year of twelfth grade. The trauma was too much to handle. All the insults, the abuse, the tear shed in her mothers arms, were like a fleeting nightmare. She learned to ignore it all to cope with it. Part of this was due to her excitement at the thought of it finally ending. In her mind, she had one more year of this before she could finally be free from all of it. This excitement nearly awoken her manic tendencies after spending a whole year in a constant depressive state.

    However, as she was walking home from school one day, she heard the sound of an engine roar, and saw a flash of light hit from behind her. She froze like a deer in the headlights. A group of her peers thought it would be funny to pretend like they were going to run her over. They planned on stopping right in front her; they didn't want to kill her, though they have done a good job at killing her inside. They were going to stop, and then throw eggs at her. It was going to be a cruel joke, however it ended in tragedy. Whoever was driving that car, made a drastic mistake. Whoever it was tried to hit breaks in time. The car lost control and began to swerve right in front of Vivian.

    The car spun out of control on the dirt roads and slammed into her. She remember the glaring light and the force of being hit. The light was too strong and the night was too dark for her to even know what was going on, let alone react to it. They unintentionally hit her. She was in intense agony, she was covered in blood, and she begged someone to help her. The force of her head hitting the ground left her in a short period of agony. Her wounds bleed profusely. Her pain only lasted for only a minute before she lost consciousness. They heard her cries very loudly. However, they chose not to lend a hand. Not wanting to be seen, they drove away, leaving her crying, and dying slowly. She was injured almost to the point of death. It seemed that she would die from the loss of blood.

Eventually she was seen by some passerby’s. They immediately called 911. She was rushed to the emergency room. She was in surgery for practically the whole school year. Her parents were horrified, they couldn't imagine why anyone would do this to her. Once the hospital called and informed them, they were in a state of disbelief. The sad part is that those same people that did this to her probably went to the same home room as she. Her survival wasn't even confirmed at that time yet, bringing fear into her parents heart.

    They were overcome with anxiety, and prayed endlessly for her recovery. Fortunately, they did not have to wait long, because she regained consciousness that day. They held her non-stop through the night, hoping for a quick recovery. However, her body was in no shape to go back to school. Because she had to miss so many days out of school, she would not graduate. It was her goal to graduate when she turned eighteen. But that dream was dead. When she found that she wasn't going to graduate, she couldn't keep from crying. The summer was spent in one of the worst depressive states in her life. Not just because her big goal was going to be unachieved, but because it meant going back to the same hell for another year. All the torment and bullying she faced in the twelfth grade was going to come back at her again. Only it will be even worse.

    Normally, summer vacation was her favorite time in life. It didn't look like next year would be any better. She could find a place in her heart to forgive those people who did this to her. But she just didn't want to go back. She was so disappointed. All she wanted was to get out of there. She can vividly remember being so excited to finally leave, but this wasn't going to happen. This brings her right here, waiting for the bus to arrive, as she had all the years before.
My remake of an old shitty story
© 2014 - 2024 silversongwriter
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DoveAngel8's avatar
I don't mean to sound rude but is English your first language?
Or are you trying to portray the character as not having English as her first language?